Today is Diana Rigg’s 76th birthday, so it’s a good time to remind everyone that when the question is “who’s the prettiest kick-ass in all the land?” the answer is almost always “Emma Peel”.
The Sherlockians at the SHpicnic today at Regent’s Park made a little birthday message for Benedict Cumberbatch
The SHPicnic was lots of silly fun, and I got to be the B in Benedict!
This is not just a Mighty Moment In Slash History, this is SPARTA! Yes, Leonidas, the chap with the flouncy helmet in the middle of the picture, was the warrior-king of Sparta played by Gerard Butler in the film 300, and Thermopylae was the place where the Spartan army faced off against the Persians in 480 BC.
This painting shows the prelude to the fighting, with the Persian ships only just visible in the distance. Meanwhile, the Spartan soldiers are preparing for their valiant deaths in battle by… well, basically having a massive party. A mostly naked groping party with flower crowns and suggestively positioned scabbards. Proof, if any were needed, that Sparta was the gayest city-state in the history of gayness, and also that 19th-century art was willing to boldly go where 21st-century movies still fear to tread.
True fact: Napoleon was usually a big fan of Jacques-Louis David’s work, but it is recorded that he saw this painting several times and kept insisting that he didn’t get it. Never mind, Boney old boy. There are plenty of guys here who definitely ARE getting it. Let’s just hope they finish getting it before the Persians turn up…
Angel One is a serious contender for the worst Star Trek: TNG episode ever and is packed to the gills with dreadful misogyny and embarrassing stereotypes. On the plus side, it did feature Riker in the most hilarious outfit of all time.
Amazing Mads Mikkelsen with gray-haired braids in Clash of the Titans (2010)
I’m a big fan of the original Clash of the Titans, so the very existence of the 2010 remake ought to be a sore point, but it’s passably entertaining and does have three excellent things in its favour: 1) Mads Mikkelsen’s imperious nose crinkle, as seen the sixth gif; 2) Mads Mikkelsen’s left thigh; 3) Mads Mikkelsen’s right thigh.
In conclusion: thighs.
~ Carter’s Thrixaline, 1894
Yes, with a little time and effort, you should be able to train your moustache to sit, roll over, fetch your newspaper and do minor household chores. Hopefully it will also wriggle off your face and jump straight into the bin when your flatmate decides that you don’t need it anymore…
Jonathan Greeting David After David Killed Goliath (mid-18th century) by Gottfried Bernhard Göz
As we know, David getting his kit off has long been a classic subject for paintings and statues, but the theme in this case is usually his slaying of Goliath. When artists bother to portray David and Jonathan together, they disappointingly ignore the bit where Jonathan strips off for David and choose instead to focus on man-hugs with a side of decapitation. The severed head of Goliath often looks pretty cheesed off by this turn of events, as I suppose you might if your disembodied noggin was reduced to the role of gooseberry.
If all we get to see is a hug, however, this depiction is surely one of the cutest ever. See how blissful they both look. You can almost hear Jonathan saying: “Oh darling, the decapitated head of a Philistine! How did you know? You always give me the sweetest prezzies! And I didn’t get you anything!" Then David explains how Jonathan can make it up to him later, possibly by wearing David’s slingshot as a thong and dancing around the living room to Israelites by Desmond Dekker. Meanwhile, Goliath’s skull lies forgotten on the coffee table and heaves a deep sigh of resignation…
It has come to my attention that five whole years have passed since the fictional demise of Ianto Jones, former coffee boy, pterodactyl handler and all-purpose snugglebunny of the parish of Torchwood. So here’s a mini tribute, accompanied by a revival of one of my favourite ridiculous Torchwood puns…
Mads Mikkelsen, photographed by Carlos Serrao for FLAUNT #135, 2014.
Hell’s teeth. Someone REALLY needs to do something about Mads Mikkelsen. I’m not exactly sure what needs to be done, but I volunteer to do it before the situation gets any worse…
Tiny happy Batman. He’s definitely not canon but I drew him anyway.
And to think people say the later seasons of Heroes were boring. Which bits were they watching?
This week on Mighty Moments In Slash History, we’re going Greek again, but we’re temporarily turning our backs on the pallid pretty boys of the Trojan war to spend some time with Heracles (or Hercules), the one-man metaphor for throbbing muscle.
While completing his legendary Twelve Labours, Heracles took a minibreak to fight with a giant called Antaeus. Antaeus was stupidly strong because he could draw on the strength of his mum Gaia, goddess of the Earth, and liked to challenge passers-by to wrestle with him. When he invariably won, he would use their unfortunate remains to expand his skull collection (well, a guy’s got to have a hobby). Heracles, however, worked out that Antaeus would lose his strength if he was lifted up off the ground, and promptly cuddlesquished him to death. Cool story, bro.
A browse through art history reveals that this myth has become a shameless excuse for painting (or sculpting) a pair of massive men in a scantily-clad clinch. There’s often a lot of flailing, grinding and bum-groping going on, for entirely tactical reasons, and sometimes Heracles is even grabbing Antaeus by the bollocks.
This particular rendition of the tale, which adorns the ceiling of the Apollo Gallery in the Louvre, is my favourite. Rather than a death match, I suspect that we’re actually watching the climax to a showstopping routine from Dancing With The Demigods. Antaeus is pouring his melodramatic soul into his final pose, and Heracles is gazing at him with barely concealed contempt for being such a scene-stealing hussy. And after all the weeks they spent growing those matching hipster beards, too…