What I find most fascinating about this vintage advertising leaflet is the news that cottage cheese can tell stories. Mind you, they probably go one of two ways:
a) There I was, sitting in a plastic tub in the fridge. And then I sat there a bit longer. And a bit longer. Sorry, am I boring you?
b) OMG I was all over that crispbread like a CHEAP CHEESY SLUT and then someone took a MASSIVE stick of celery and just SQUELCHED it right into me and then there was just a blur of HOT MOUTHS and STICKY DRIPPING FINGERS and RAMPANT DAIRY GOODNESS. And then they put me back in the fridge BUT WITHOUT MY TOP ON…
Fear the hypnotically fluffy menace of NINJA KITTEN.
Apollo and Cyparissus or Apollo and Hyacinth (1520s) by Giulio Romano
Now, this is not the first time that Mannerist artist Giulio Romano has featured in Mighty Moments In Slash History. He was also responsible for the god Apollo’s upskirt shot, so it’s no surprise to find him tackling another of Apollo’s favourite hobbies, i.e. copping off with mortal boys. The identity of the mortal in question isn’t certain: it’s probably Cyparissus or Hyacinth, but it’s difficult to be sure because Giulio has decided to ignore the most recognizable bits of those myths in order to concentrate on the man-on-man action. A man after Tumblr’s heart, I’m sure you’ll agree.
As for the lady on the left, it’s hard to explain her presence mythologically or art historically. However, since she looks dazed rather than shocked by what’s going on in front of her, I reckon she must be a fangirl voyeur who’s caught in a tricky quandary. Should she:
a) continue watching their tongues battle for dominance, possibly while letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding;
b) find a quill and parchment and start making notes to add realism to the epic multi-chapter coffeeshop AU she’s writing, called Hot God Baristas at the Olympus Café;
c) rush off to fetch her BFFs and find out whether popcorn has been invented yet;
d) all of the above?
Whichever option she chooses, I only hope she doesn’t knock over Apollo’s musical instrument in her excitement. Gods can get very vengeful if you accidentally snap their G-strings…
(A sequel to my list of romantic novel heroes with silly names. All are from real books that actually exist and are apparently not parodies.)
1. Submit Channing-Downes
2. Swann Triplett
3. Juniper Killibrew
4. Serenity Hoffenduffle
5. Crickitt Day
6. Joyous MacQuarrie
7. Welcome Venable
8. Innocence Lescuer
9. Lady Thrift Lindly
10. Desire Guildford (I’m not sure anyone has ever desired Guildford)
Honorable Mention: Lady Chastity Ware (who has the ideal brand name for a range of constrictive lingerie)
Apparently April 8th is Draw A Bird Day, so here’s a silly fandom-themed contribution: the Musketweets!
Has anybody else noticed that Benedict Cumberbatch reminding everyone that he did the motion capture is starting to sound like Martin Crieff reminding everyone he’s the captain?
In the unlikely event of actor non-recognition, actor doffs cap and gestures to motion capture dots.
this is the standard amount of gold they put in a dwarf kingdom…
I AM THE SUPREME COMMANDER OF THIS DRAGON
*starts x-raying hobbits to find out which one swallowed the One Ring*
Up till now, Captain Treville has been missing from my mini-Musketeers series. But now I’ve found a moment to correct this unfortunate omission, here he is…