Red Scharlach Points At Interesting Things

Right, we’ve saved the big question for last: have you seen the website Otters Who Look Like Benedict Cumberbatch?

Yes! They’re great, but I have to say the people that did it could have matched up the pictures better. Put the effort in guys. There was a fierce blog comment about me once, saying I was “a wooden actor”. Those otter photos prove that, while I may be many things, I’m not wooden. You can’t level that at me.

Benedict Cumberbatch, in this interview in Shortlist magazine

Hee hee, the Cumberotters are once again in the news! However, if I had the opportunity to talk to the lovely Benedict myself, I’d want to tell him two things. Since that opportunity may never arise, I’ll point them out here instead:

1) Because of this interview, I know that BC’s comment that “the people that did it [i.e. me!] could have matched up the pictures better” refers to the top pair of images: he claims that the otter has its hands under its chin, and he has his in front of his mouth. In my defence, I’d like to point out that the top otter DOES have its paws in front of its mouth, and its chin is actually the bit below its muzzly nose. Oh Benedict, I do adore you but your knowledge of otter anatomy is not all that it could be. (But I will admit that the bendy fingers/straight fingers difference in those two pics DOES nark me a teensy bit. Oh well, it’s my own fault.)

2) In response to the comment “Put the effort in”, I bet that if BC knew how long it had actually taken me to find and match all those pics, he’d agree that it was MUCH longer than any sane person ought to stare at pictures of otters for. Alas, telling me to spend MORE time in front of a computer would be like telling Sherlock to spend more time showing off his massive intellect. So I fear that a Shatneresque “get a life!” might have been a more appropriate critique in the circumstances…

However, I do love his comment that the otters prove how unwooden he is. That expressiveness is precisely why I find both him and otters so appealing!

According to this interview in the New York Times (see page 2), Benedict Cumberbatch has seen my post about the otters who look like him, and says they are “brilliant” and “fantastic”.

That noise you can hear is me fainting very, very loudly.

(It’s only human to want to cash in on a successful Tumblr post, isn’t it? But sequels are never as good as the original…)

1. Otters Who Look Like Benedict Cumberbatch And The Women Who Love Them
Self-help book that gently explains how to deal with unrequited yearning for any cute thing that you can’t have, whether that’s a playful water-dwelling mammal or an atttractively cheekboned British actor.

2. Otters Who Cook Like Benedict Cumberbatch
Recipe book. Includes 101 things to do with a herring and tips for opening a can of sardines when you don’t have opposable thumbs.

3. Otters Who Cluck Like Benedict Cumberbatch
Surreal storybook for children, in which Benedict Cumberbatch hangs around a farmyard and tries to teach otters to do chicken impersonations for no reason that can be rationally explained.

4. Otters Who Pluck Like Benedict Cumberbatch
Sequel to the above, in which Benedict, giddy with the unprecedented success of the chicken impressions, ambitiously attempts to train the otters to play pizzicato violin.

5. Otters Who Luge Like Benedict Cumberbatch
Extreme sports action: it’s man against mammal, sliding feet first down a mountain on a tea tray. Who survives?

6. Otters Who Look Both Ways Before Crossing The Road Like Benedict Cumberbatch
Road safety campaign, with otters as the 21st century’s answer to Tufty the Squirrel and Benedict as the new Green Cross Code Man.

7. Otters Who Look Good Naked Like Benedict Cumberbatch
TV makeover show, in which Benedict encourages timid viewers to cast off their clothing and sally forth covered only by a couple of discreetly positioned otters.

8. Otters Who Look Back In Anger Like Benedict Cumberbatch
Riveting kitchen-sink drama, the drama being caused mainly by the fact that Benedict can’t get the otters to stay in the bloody sink.

9. I Know What Otters Who Look Benedict Cumberbatch Looked Like Last Summer
Horror movie in which an evil version of Benedict Cumberbatch trains otters to commit gruesome murders, because no one will ever suspect those innocent whiskery little faces.

10. Otters Who Should Be So Lucky (Lucky, Lucky, Lucky), Otters Who Should Be So Lucky Like Benedict Cumberbatch
Reworking of the Kylie Minogue hit that makes up in sheer relentlessness what it lacks in musicality, scansion and compassion for humanity. What a shame that the UK Eurovision entry for 2012 has already been decided, otherwise we might have a winner…